Hello and happy Friday blog friends. Today I have a post that will be a little different from anything you’ve seen here on my blog.
This is the first time I feel like I’m really breaking that fourth wall and sharing my personal life. Today I’m not talking about books specifically. Of course this relates to books in a roundabout way because, what in my life doesn’t? But I recently came across the now viral Twitter thread by M. Molly Backes, author of The Princess of Iowa, where she describes “the impossible task.” An often overlooked symptom of many mental health disorders including depression and anxiety. I couldn’t believe how well she described something that I feel but hadn’t been able to put words to before.
The impossible task isn’t necessarily anything that is actually difficult to complete. In fact, sometimes it’s the thing that we know will be easy, but we just cannot bring ourselves to sit down (or stand up) and do.
For me lately, that impossible task has been multiple things: my book reviews, blog posts, and sometimes even my Instagram. I don’t understand exactly why it started. I’ve always enjoyed writing, even if it doesn’t always come easy to me. And I LOVE talking about books, sharing my ideas and thoughts, and basically fan-girling over any book I even remotely enjoy. But somehow, even this thing I love has become impossible. And, as this feeling continues, my reviews continue to stack up making it all seem even more impossible.
I resolved to catch up on my reviews for 2019 and I’m really trying to make myself stick to that resolution. But my anxiety fights me every step of the way. What if my review is too short, too long, or no one agrees with me? What if I sit down to write and nothing comes out? What if I mess up? Have I already gone too far and publishers will not want to work with me anymore? Sometimes it’s hard to push through all of these thoughts, so I just choose not to. I turn my back and do something else.
I’ll be setting small tasks for myself to get started on my backlog and hopefully my impossible task will seem more and more possible each day. This blog post is a way for me to put my goal out there in the world, help hold myself accountable, give me some motivation to tackle my impossible, and maybe even let someone else know they are not alone.
Everyone’s impossible task is different and can be something as “small” as getting out of bed but that doesn’t make it feel any less impossible to the person experiencing it. If you’re experiencing any symptoms of depression or anxiety, please know there is help.
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